Embarrassing Kid Moment #247,023

child commentsThe following event occurred yesterday morning whilst I was in the store grabbing a pack of diapers for Big Trouble (who is obviously still determined to break me in the potty training department since we were getting yet another pack of diapers, not underwear).

The Setting:

Big Trouble was being quite the little gentleman and this trip to the store had me beaming at the people passing by as I showed off how well my little boy was behaving.  Yep; pat on the back for being an awesome mom;  isn’t he just the cutest little thing?!  I made him.

The Incident:

Then he opened his mouth and SHOUTED a question that no one ever wants to be asked loudly in public:  “MOM, DO YOU NEED TO POOP IN THE POTTY?”

Shh!  No honey, Mommy’s just fine right now, thank you.

He wasn’t satisfied so there was a follow-up question:  “NEED TO PEE-PEE?”  (people are now staring and snickering)

No baby, Mommy already went to the potty.  Do you need to go?

“NO!  DID YOU TOOT?”

Good Lord, NO!  There are no bodily functions going on right now so please stop shouting!

“I GET DIAPERS.  I STINKY GROSSY! MOMMY STINKY GROSSY! HA HA!”

Oh my Lord, please just come with me to the self-checkout so I don’t have to face a real cashier!…..

End of Scene.

Needless to say, I was quite embarrassed by this happy outburst.  I assume it was payback for my constant barrage of questions concerning his potty training process and lack of progress, but who can say?

I know I can’t be the only one with crazy kids who say things like this, right?!

Turns out, I’m not.  So, here’s a few more fun things that other kids have said!  I would love to hear your stories, too!  Misery loves company! 🙂

We’ve Mastered Another Skill…Just Not The One I Was Hoping For

Today, Big Trouble started drinking from a straw.  I’ll hold for applause.

SUCCESS!

SUCCESS!

Now, this may not seem like that big of a deal, but seeing as though he gets soaked every time he tries to drink out of a regular cup, it really is!  The kid can literally take a dime-sized amount of water and make it look like he just survived a flash flood.

But now, thanks to this new development, we can start using the “big kid” cups with lids and straws instead of sippy cups or the “ok, guess we’ll go get a bath now” cups!  I’ll admit that it was torture so fun making weird faces and trying to give him samples of how to sip from a straw, only to have him just make noises and/or accidentally blow spit bubbles and laugh.

Mind you, this has gone on for nearly a year.  The kid has no interest in my time frame for ANYTHING.  I’m just now starting to get that (can’t imagine where he gets his stubbornness from).  But, I keep trying like the idiot that I am because I that’s my job.  And, nothing makes me feel like a bigger success than finally seeing one of my kids master something they have been trying to do; even if it is as insignificant a milestone as drinking from a straw.

The moment I saw my troublemaker give me a huge victory smile, thus drooling out most of the liquid he had just learned to sip up, I held my head high, looked to the sky and thought, “yeah, I taught him that” (not the drooling part, just to clarify; the actual sipping from a straw).  I am a success and so is my boy!

Then I turned back to look at my precious little one who was making me so proud…and I see this:

"Wook at my hat, mom"

“Wook at my hat, mom”

Yep.  That’s the inside of his consistently unused potty seat sitting there, upside down on his head.  I did not teach him that.  Guess we still have a little work left to do on some of our skills….sigh.

We Are Back And Just In Time To Remember Why We Put Potty Training On Hold

Well, we survived our trip out West.  I must admit that Big Trouble, while still active and randomly crazy, was pretty good on all four flights we had to make, despite the crazy times we were flying.  It was not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it could have been MUCH worse.

I should have some pictures up later this week showing off a few of our adventures, but until then, here’s an update on our return to potty training.

When we last left you, things weren’t going so well with Big Trouble and his dependance on diapers.  I started seriously trying with him in January.  It was pretty difficult because of the fact that every day we had to leave to do drop-off and pick up for my big kids so I couldn’t just stay home for a few days while he went naked or in big underwear (thanks a lot for that “tip” educational potty books – who has time for that?!).  I kept trying here and there, but 2 months later and still no real interest.

So, as any other good (tired) mother would do, I called it quits until we returned from our trip to San Francisco.  Let’s face it; Big Trouble is trouble enough without having to deal with taking him to the bathroom every 20 minutes on a plane and then in strange places we have never been before.  I just couldn’t go there.

But, now here we are, back at home and I no longer have any excuses.  The kids are home with me full time until school starts again so I can actually stay home a few days in a row to try things out again.  I am ready!potty

But, as usual, Big Trouble has other ideas.  He has now developed a fear of the large potty.  “I scared” is his mantra any time he ventures toward the bathroom.  Lovely.  So, I pulled the little Cars potty back out of storage and convinced him not to immediately take it apart, and while he was very encouraging to the rest of the family regarding our use of the potty, I couldn’t convince him to sit on it anymore!  Fantastic.

watching other kids relaxing on the toilet has to be motivating, right?

watching other kids relaxing on the toilet has to be motivating, right?

Back to the library I headed and re-checked out the original potty dvds along with a new one about being a potty pirate.  He was intrigued this time (although it took me actually sitting my big butt on his potty for him to get back on).  He was excited about being a potty pirate and actually sat on his potty for almost an hour with a drink in hand, watching all of the excited children sing about bodily functions and being big kids.  I offered him an m&m as encouragement.  NOTHING HAPPENED!!!

Finally back on the potty and being a potty pirate (at least in his heart)

Finally back on the potty and being a potty pirate (at least in his heart)

He finally stood up; I was frustrated so I let him put his diaper back on since it was only day 1, and we headed back to join the rest of the family.  Within 1 minute of the diaper going back on, he peed (while chanting “no more diapers for me” from the pirate dvd – oh the horrific irony).  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  It’s like he’s doing this on purpose to drive me nuts!

So, once again, I am going to need some kind thoughts and prayers sent my way as I travel down this road AGAIN with Big Trouble.  He is clearly going to live up to his name in this endeavor, too.  I may even give him a promotion to Major Trouble.

What’s Your Favorite Commercial?

If you’re anything like me, you are probably not a fan of commercials.  I hate them because I am usually watching a kids’ channel and every commercial seems to make my kids think they need just one more light up stuffed animal or some other dumb toy that they will never play with.  But, every now and then, a commercial will resonate with me in a big way.  And usually, that commercial will have something to do with kids (because, let’s face it, that’s where my interests lie right now).clorox

Lately, Clorox has been on a roll with their commercials and it is totally making me stick to only buying their bleach and wipes.  I will gladly pay the extra 50 cents to get the name brand that makes me laugh with their commercials and kills major germs!  Here’s a few of my favorites, all dealing with potty training because, again, that’s my particular dilemma right now (I can’t figure out how to put videos on WordPress because I am not tech-savvy and because my 2-year-old is jumping on my back as I type this, but if you click on the links, you’ll get them – I promise they are all short, but hilarious).

What are some of your favorite commercials?

**I am not being paid to endorse Clorox products, but I would love to become a spokesperson because my kids are as gross as the kids in these videos**

Potty Training Progress….NOT

Well, it has been a few months since I have written about the joys of potty training a little boy.  I’m back with an update on our progress – THERE HASN’T BEEN ANY.  I personally think it is his mission to postpone this milestone as long as possible just to see how long I will be willing to wipe his smeared poo-butt (the result of breakdancing on the floor after hiding in the corner to do his business in his diaper) or pick up the pieces of poo that fall out of his diaper/clean the floor (also the result of breakdancing and then running away from me when finished with his corner business).

I even broke down and went to the library specifically for books about the potty since the dvds have done squat (I even checked out a few books directing me how to coach him, even though I have been through this 2 times before and I’m fairly certain I have already read everything there is to know, none of which is helpful).

We found 3 picture books with different stories: one about a defiant princess (whose attitude seemed vaguely familiar to my little guy) that didn’t like her potty; one about a pirate who crossed the sea to get to his potty, pirate underwear and all; and a Little Critter book about getting a new potty.  Here’s how those books went over:

Book #1:

*Me – The princess didn’t want to use her potty.  That’s probably because she didn’t have a cool Cars potty like you do (I make the books say what I want them to say when my big kids aren’t around to correct me).  Don’t you think she would like to use your Cars party? Vroom, vroom!

*Big Trouble – Ooh toys!  (Of all of the pictures on the page, he bypasses the potty and notices that the princess is playing with toys).

*Me – Yes, she has toys, but she would rather have a Cars potty.  Let’s see if she gets one on the next page when all of the townspeople bring her new potties!  Ooh, she got a potty with polka dots! And one that glows in the dark!  That would be fun to use!

*Big Trouble –  Ooh stairs! (someone was climbing stairs to hand over a potty).

*Me – Yep, there’s the stairs, but look at how she got new underwear so that she could use the big girl potty!  You have some new underwear that you can wear when you use the big boy potty!

*Big Trouble – Princess went pee-pee and poo-poo. (WAIT, WHAT?!)

*Me – THAT’S RIGHT! (yes, I screamed it because I was so shocked that he finally tuned in)  Don’t you want to go pee-pee and poo-poo in the potty?

*Big Trouble – ooh, cookies.

And, that’s how that book went.

Book #2:

*Me – Look, here’s a big boy pirate who wants to find the potty.  Do you see the potty?

*Big Trouble – ooh, pirate! yeah!

*Me – There’s his potty!  See how the pirate uses the potty?  He doesn’t like diapers.

*Big Trouble – ooh, bird. (FOCUS KID!)

*Me – yep, pirates who use the potty get a bird.  (wait, did I just kind of try to bribe him with a bird? oops)  And here’s his cool hat that he wears on the potty.  We have a pirate hat you can wear on the potty if you want to.

*Big Trouble – ooh, mouse. (oh well, at least he didn’t catch my accidental bird bribery).

*Me – yep, that’s a mouse.  But look here at this fun pirate potty!  The pirate uses his potty like a big boy!  You can be a big boy like the pirate if you go to the potty and not in your diaper.

*Big Trouble – oh no, he cry. baby cry.

*Me – no, he’s laughing, not crying.  He’s happy he is a big boy using the potty.

*Big Trouble – oh no, he cry.

*Me – no, honey, he’s not sad, he’s happy!  Potties are fun!

*Big Trouble – Buzz! Rex-y! Woody! Bullseye! (He was no longer concerned with the crying pirate as he had already moved on to a Toy Story book that was on the floor next to us)

Book #3:

Me – Hold on sweetie, Little Critter is going to get a new potty in this book! That’s more fun than Toy Story!

Big Trouble – I say NO! (he got off my lap and ran off to find his farm animals).

So, as you can see, great strides in the art of potty training are being made here at our house.   Sigh.

No, Honey, Those Are Not Fruit Snacks

I don't see why he isn't interested in this!

I don’t see why he isn’t interested in this!

As I have mentioned in the past, I am in the process of potty training my youngest.  He wants nothing to do with it other than to just sit randomly on his little toilet and tell me what a big boy he is.

Yesterday, I noticed him hiding in his spot and I knew exactly what he was up to.  I went over to him, checked the diaper and noticed that he had started to soil himself, but was clearly not finished.  So, I decided that maybe if I got him on his potty mid-poo, he would get a few, um, “pieces” in there and I would be able to praise him and show him how this whole business is supposed to go.

I asked him if he could sit on his potty and he said yes so I brought over the toilet and carefully took off his gross diaper while he straddled the seat.  He sat down for 3.5 seconds and that was the extent of his interest.  But, with my good timing, he managed to put a little something in the toilet during those few seconds of down time.

As he stood up, I cheered and told him he was a big boy for using the potty and I pointed into the little container so that he could admire his handiwork.  **Only at this point in childhood are we so excited about feces.**  He looked at me and then into the potty and then back at me and said, “oooh, fruit snacks!” and then started to reach into the toilet to grab out his deposit, apparently to eat it.  Yeah.

Fortunately, I have the reflexes of a jungle cat when it comes to all things kid-related and I was able to prevent this disgusting occurrence.  But, seriously, who poops in the potty and mistakes it for a fruit snack?! Only my kid.

Once again he has proven that we are making absolutely no progress and he has more potential at being a Depends model than becoming a regular toilet user.  He has also made me look at fruit snacks in an entirely different light.

First Name: Big; Last Name: Trouble

So, here’s how I started off the week.

2-Year-Old (aka Big Trouble), after eating his breakfast: I try big boy cup.

Me: Ok, let’s find a fun cup and we’ll just pour a little in so you can see if you can handle it now. (for the record, we try this each week and the outcome is never good).

I find a tiny cup, pour approx. 1/2 tsp. of milk into it and hand it over.

He takes it holds it to his mouth and proceeds to tilt it back to drink.  I watch the drink pass into his mouth like it should and then he slowly lets it dribble back out and down his shirt into his lap.  WHY?! He was doing so good until he let it come back out!

B.T., looking up at me with innocent eyes: Uh oh, I wet, mommy.    Take clothes on please.  (He meant take clothes off, but it was kind of cute to hear it this way – although not as cute to have to already change him approx. 30 minutes after he was dressed)

I pull him down from his chair and see that the 1/2 tsp of milk has literally soaked him. HOW?!

He happily strips down to his diaper and then refuses to put any other clothes back on and insists on taking the diaper off, too.

Me: Fine.  As long as you sit on the potty while you are naked.

B.T., while prancing around the house and avoiding the potty: I nakey, I nakey – WOO HOO. (what is it with boys and being naked?)

As I try to chase him down to avoid any other “liquids” being spilt in the house, he grabs his guitar and starts singing and dancing, a la the Naked Cowboy, sans tighty-whiteys.  Good Lord.

I finally wrangle him onto the potty seat, where he sits for a few minutes, recounts the numerous ways you can say poop/pee and tells me how he is such a big boy.  Meanwhile, nothing has been inserted into the toilet.  Luckily, he was distracted long enough for me to get another shirt on him.

He hops up, I catch him and practically have to sit on him to get a diaper back on before he manages to escape me again and take off running down the hall.

I collapse on the couch, exhausted just watching him run around.  It’s only 8:30 on Monday morning and he’s already smacked me in the face with the knowledge that he isn’t even close to being potty trained, nor does he possess the talent to drink from a cup while resisting the temptation of drooling it all back out “for fun”.  Sigh, I’ve got a long way to go…..BIG TROUBLE.

Good thing he is cute

Good thing he is cute