Embarrassing Kid Moment #247,023

child commentsThe following event occurred yesterday morning whilst I was in the store grabbing a pack of diapers for Big Trouble (who is obviously still determined to break me in the potty training department since we were getting yet another pack of diapers, not underwear).

The Setting:

Big Trouble was being quite the little gentleman and this trip to the store had me beaming at the people passing by as I showed off how well my little boy was behaving.  Yep; pat on the back for being an awesome mom;  isn’t he just the cutest little thing?!  I made him.

The Incident:

Then he opened his mouth and SHOUTED a question that no one ever wants to be asked loudly in public:  “MOM, DO YOU NEED TO POOP IN THE POTTY?”

Shh!  No honey, Mommy’s just fine right now, thank you.

He wasn’t satisfied so there was a follow-up question:  “NEED TO PEE-PEE?”  (people are now staring and snickering)

No baby, Mommy already went to the potty.  Do you need to go?

“NO!  DID YOU TOOT?”

Good Lord, NO!  There are no bodily functions going on right now so please stop shouting!

“I GET DIAPERS.  I STINKY GROSSY! MOMMY STINKY GROSSY! HA HA!”

Oh my Lord, please just come with me to the self-checkout so I don’t have to face a real cashier!…..

End of Scene.

Needless to say, I was quite embarrassed by this happy outburst.  I assume it was payback for my constant barrage of questions concerning his potty training process and lack of progress, but who can say?

I know I can’t be the only one with crazy kids who say things like this, right?!

Turns out, I’m not.  So, here’s a few more fun things that other kids have said!  I would love to hear your stories, too!  Misery loves company! 🙂

We’ve Mastered Another Skill…Just Not The One I Was Hoping For

Today, Big Trouble started drinking from a straw.  I’ll hold for applause.

SUCCESS!

SUCCESS!

Now, this may not seem like that big of a deal, but seeing as though he gets soaked every time he tries to drink out of a regular cup, it really is!  The kid can literally take a dime-sized amount of water and make it look like he just survived a flash flood.

But now, thanks to this new development, we can start using the “big kid” cups with lids and straws instead of sippy cups or the “ok, guess we’ll go get a bath now” cups!  I’ll admit that it was torture so fun making weird faces and trying to give him samples of how to sip from a straw, only to have him just make noises and/or accidentally blow spit bubbles and laugh.

Mind you, this has gone on for nearly a year.  The kid has no interest in my time frame for ANYTHING.  I’m just now starting to get that (can’t imagine where he gets his stubbornness from).  But, I keep trying like the idiot that I am because I that’s my job.  And, nothing makes me feel like a bigger success than finally seeing one of my kids master something they have been trying to do; even if it is as insignificant a milestone as drinking from a straw.

The moment I saw my troublemaker give me a huge victory smile, thus drooling out most of the liquid he had just learned to sip up, I held my head high, looked to the sky and thought, “yeah, I taught him that” (not the drooling part, just to clarify; the actual sipping from a straw).  I am a success and so is my boy!

Then I turned back to look at my precious little one who was making me so proud…and I see this:

"Wook at my hat, mom"

“Wook at my hat, mom”

Yep.  That’s the inside of his consistently unused potty seat sitting there, upside down on his head.  I did not teach him that.  Guess we still have a little work left to do on some of our skills….sigh.

Getting To Know Us – Part III: Interview with Big Trouble

children-quotes-funnyWell, I said I would try to do this with Big Trouble too, but it didn’t turn out quite as well as I had hoped as he is 2 and could care less what I want.  So, instead of trying to get him to answer my questions, here’s a few of his random thoughts and conversations as they occurred over the last few weeks (with my thoughts added in).

  • The Princess, after smacking Big Trouble in the face with a beach ball: Are you ok, sweetie? (notice she gets all big sistery AFTER hitting him on purpose); Big Trouble: I am better than ok!  (This is his new way of answering questions.  I have also asked him if he is pooping in his diaper and he responds with “I am better than pooping”.  I have a little optimist on my hands….and a big poop machine who often tells me that he is a “grossy, stinky butt and dat’s funny.  No. No, it isn’t).
  • Upon watching his big brother and sister go into a different room so they won’t be bothered by him, he runs after them, bangs on the closed door screaming, “Help! Let me in guys!  Hey, guys.  Open the door. (as though it was a mistake that he was shut out – poor little brother)
  • A conversation with me: “Do you think you would like to pick blueberries with mommy?”Big Trouble: “I love pooberries!” (um, ew – he has also called them boogerberries, so fun!).
  • As I was leaning over to pick up a basket of laundry, I feel a tiny hand on my butt and I hear a little voice say, “Shake your booty. Haha.  Dat’s funny.”  (Yeah, I’m definitely doing something right around here).
  • While playing Family Feud with Big Brother and practicing his juggwing (juggling) skills along with The Wiggles DVD, Hot Poppin’ Popcorn, I overhear this little gem: Big Brother says to him, “tell me something we all know about Brad Pitt.” (I think this may have been an actual family feud question because I’m fairly certain Big Brother has no idea who Brad Pitt is).;  Big Trouble answers: “2 Balls”.  (Yes, my mind went there even though I knew he was talking about juggling the two bouncy balls in his hands and was not remotely referencing Brad Pitt.)
  • While putting a new load of laundry in the washer, I hear the load I just pulled out being dumped on the floor by Big Trouble as he shouts to me, “Don’t worry Mommy, I get them.” (So glad I have his “help” or how else would I get anything done?!).

Getting To Know Us – Part I: Interview With The Princess

Recently I have been coming across a lot of really cute blogs where mothers have asked their kids different questions and had the kids answer honestly.  I thought this would be a fun “experiment” to do with my kids too, so here’s part one!  **Disclaimer – I may randomly add my thoughts to these answers in parentheses so you can know what went through my mind as she answered**

Getting to Know “The Princess”, Age 6

  • What do you want to be when you grow up? A teacher, a mommy, and a cashier at Publix (sounds just fine to me)
  • What brings you the most happiness? when I go to Nuberri for frozen yogurt (this is Daddy’s go to place when we have no idea what we are going to do on a weekend – we’ve gone through several customer loyalty cards)
  • When do you feel the most loved? When my Daddy hugs me (apparently, my hugs are not enough?! Hrmphf)
  • What are you afraid of? the dark  (I was surprised at this answer because I would have said she was afraid of thunderstorms as she always goes and hides under a blanket when she hears thunder – this usually leads her to accidentally falling asleep so it may be the thing I look forward to the most on a long Summer day – maybe I am projecting?)
  • If you had one wish, what would you wish for? to be a princess (There is a reason I refer to her as “the princess”)
  • What is the funniest word? potty (I’m just glad she didn’t say anything else)
  • What is the hardest/easiest thing to do? the hardest is to write supercalifragilisticexpialidocious; the easiest thing to do is Kindergarten math (I can attest to the fact that it is hard to type supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…twice.  But, I thought Kindergarten math was pretty hard when I had to help her.  Glad she is so confident.)
  • What is the best/worst thing in the world? worst is seeing a monster and the best is getting to be with a nice family (I love that she is still innocent enough to think that seeing a monster is the worst thing, but wise enough to know how important family is)
  • What makes you mad? when my brothers call me poopy (it definitely is a sore spot with her)
  • What is the meaning of love? happy with heart kissing (I have no idea what this means, but it sounds nice)
  • If you had all the money in the world, what would you do with it? I would buy the toy cleaning set from ToysRUs so that I could clean the house (I find this answer extremely hilarious because I have an arsenal of real cleaning products here that she is more than welcome to use at any time, yet she has never done it without complaining about how mean I am for making her help)

Getting to know me (THE QUEEN), as told by The Princess

  • What’s my favorite TV show? Real Housewives (It’s not my favorite, but it definitely is a guilty pleasure)
  • What do I drink? Coke (I don’t drink alcohol so this is how I make it through the day with 3 crazy kids.  Don’t judge, especially since I have only had Starbucks twice this month.)
  • What do I eat? taco salads (well, I do enjoy a nice taco salad)
  • What do I do for fun? Take a Nap. (I’m not sure this is considered fun, but I would definitely choose it if given the option)
  • What do I like to read? The Great Gatsby (I just re-read this after seeing the movie – luckily she didn’t give away my obsession with random YA series such as Harry Potter, Beautiful Creatures, The Hunger Games, Twilight, etc…..)
  • What do I wear? jeans and a t-shirt and flip-flops.  You never wear skirts but sometimes you wear dresses. – she says this with disappointment and then a slight hint of hope for the future (I’m very predictable, and apparently sad and pathetic in my choice of clothing)
  • What do I do with my friends? Go out to eat (I am a huge fan of getting to eat AND hold an actual adult conversation for more than 3 seconds)
  • What is my favorite song? Something by One Direction (um, NO.  That would be Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper, not some cheesy boy band from Britain that I am constantly subjected to. But, it could be worse; she could have said something by Justin Bieber)
  • What do I do when you’re school? Play with Big Trouble, make him take a nap, and probably go to the playground sometimes. (Yes, that is exactly how I spend my days when I’m not eating bonbons and watching Real Housewives.)
  • What do I do when you’re in bed at night? Help Big Trouble go to bed and watch tv. (This is true on certain nights)
  • What do I dream about at night? Your kids. (Sorry, sweetie, it’s Johnny Depp)
  • What is my favorite store? Target (Not sure this is actually my favorite store, but it is really close to our house and it’s not Walmart so we are there A LOT)
  • What do I buy there? Diapers and Wipes (hoping to delete diapers and add big boy underwear to this list very soon)
  • What’s my favorite thing to do with you?  Take care of me when I am sick. (You know, there really is nothing I enjoy more.  …seriously?  That’s what you picked as my favorite thing to do with you?  Should I take this as a compliment?)

And there you have it.  Stay tuned for thoughts from Big Brother and Big Trouble….if they decide to cooperate. 🙂  Feel free to try this with your own kids!  The answers are always great and surprising!

Words On A Wednesday

This week I am changing things up a bit and instead of posting a picture, I am going to use words to “paint” you a picture of my life this week:

2 A.M. – A tug on my foot wakes me from a semi-deep slumber.  It’s Big Trouble, staring me down.

Me: “What are you doing?!”

B.T.: “Mommy, I tired”

Me: “You woke me up to tell me that?!”

B.T.: “Yes.”

He goes right back to sleep; it took me an hour and a half.  Well played, son; well played.

What’s Your Favorite Commercial?

If you’re anything like me, you are probably not a fan of commercials.  I hate them because I am usually watching a kids’ channel and every commercial seems to make my kids think they need just one more light up stuffed animal or some other dumb toy that they will never play with.  But, every now and then, a commercial will resonate with me in a big way.  And usually, that commercial will have something to do with kids (because, let’s face it, that’s where my interests lie right now).clorox

Lately, Clorox has been on a roll with their commercials and it is totally making me stick to only buying their bleach and wipes.  I will gladly pay the extra 50 cents to get the name brand that makes me laugh with their commercials and kills major germs!  Here’s a few of my favorites, all dealing with potty training because, again, that’s my particular dilemma right now (I can’t figure out how to put videos on WordPress because I am not tech-savvy and because my 2-year-old is jumping on my back as I type this, but if you click on the links, you’ll get them – I promise they are all short, but hilarious).

What are some of your favorite commercials?

**I am not being paid to endorse Clorox products, but I would love to become a spokesperson because my kids are as gross as the kids in these videos**

Potty Training Progress….NOT

Well, it has been a few months since I have written about the joys of potty training a little boy.  I’m back with an update on our progress – THERE HASN’T BEEN ANY.  I personally think it is his mission to postpone this milestone as long as possible just to see how long I will be willing to wipe his smeared poo-butt (the result of breakdancing on the floor after hiding in the corner to do his business in his diaper) or pick up the pieces of poo that fall out of his diaper/clean the floor (also the result of breakdancing and then running away from me when finished with his corner business).

I even broke down and went to the library specifically for books about the potty since the dvds have done squat (I even checked out a few books directing me how to coach him, even though I have been through this 2 times before and I’m fairly certain I have already read everything there is to know, none of which is helpful).

We found 3 picture books with different stories: one about a defiant princess (whose attitude seemed vaguely familiar to my little guy) that didn’t like her potty; one about a pirate who crossed the sea to get to his potty, pirate underwear and all; and a Little Critter book about getting a new potty.  Here’s how those books went over:

Book #1:

*Me – The princess didn’t want to use her potty.  That’s probably because she didn’t have a cool Cars potty like you do (I make the books say what I want them to say when my big kids aren’t around to correct me).  Don’t you think she would like to use your Cars party? Vroom, vroom!

*Big Trouble – Ooh toys!  (Of all of the pictures on the page, he bypasses the potty and notices that the princess is playing with toys).

*Me – Yes, she has toys, but she would rather have a Cars potty.  Let’s see if she gets one on the next page when all of the townspeople bring her new potties!  Ooh, she got a potty with polka dots! And one that glows in the dark!  That would be fun to use!

*Big Trouble –  Ooh stairs! (someone was climbing stairs to hand over a potty).

*Me – Yep, there’s the stairs, but look at how she got new underwear so that she could use the big girl potty!  You have some new underwear that you can wear when you use the big boy potty!

*Big Trouble – Princess went pee-pee and poo-poo. (WAIT, WHAT?!)

*Me – THAT’S RIGHT! (yes, I screamed it because I was so shocked that he finally tuned in)  Don’t you want to go pee-pee and poo-poo in the potty?

*Big Trouble – ooh, cookies.

And, that’s how that book went.

Book #2:

*Me – Look, here’s a big boy pirate who wants to find the potty.  Do you see the potty?

*Big Trouble – ooh, pirate! yeah!

*Me – There’s his potty!  See how the pirate uses the potty?  He doesn’t like diapers.

*Big Trouble – ooh, bird. (FOCUS KID!)

*Me – yep, pirates who use the potty get a bird.  (wait, did I just kind of try to bribe him with a bird? oops)  And here’s his cool hat that he wears on the potty.  We have a pirate hat you can wear on the potty if you want to.

*Big Trouble – ooh, mouse. (oh well, at least he didn’t catch my accidental bird bribery).

*Me – yep, that’s a mouse.  But look here at this fun pirate potty!  The pirate uses his potty like a big boy!  You can be a big boy like the pirate if you go to the potty and not in your diaper.

*Big Trouble – oh no, he cry. baby cry.

*Me – no, he’s laughing, not crying.  He’s happy he is a big boy using the potty.

*Big Trouble – oh no, he cry.

*Me – no, honey, he’s not sad, he’s happy!  Potties are fun!

*Big Trouble – Buzz! Rex-y! Woody! Bullseye! (He was no longer concerned with the crying pirate as he had already moved on to a Toy Story book that was on the floor next to us)

Book #3:

Me – Hold on sweetie, Little Critter is going to get a new potty in this book! That’s more fun than Toy Story!

Big Trouble – I say NO! (he got off my lap and ran off to find his farm animals).

So, as you can see, great strides in the art of potty training are being made here at our house.   Sigh.

This Is What Trouble Looks Like

I don’t know why, but Big Trouble’s newest fascination is dancing on the table.  Will he end up being a part of Magic Mike, part 2?  Is he just a thrill seeker looking for new ways to try to touch the light that hangs over the table? Or does he just enjoy making me get up every 10 seconds to pull him back down from the table?  Who knows?  My husband’s response is to “get rid of the chairs”.  But, as he is almost tall enough to just climb right up himself (and as we need chairs so that we can actually use the table for the purpose of eating meals), I’m fairly certain that won’t solve the problem.

I will admit that part of me laughs when he gets up there because he has a great time and you can see it in his face.

Caught in the act

Caught in the act

But I know it’s dangerous because he is a clutz, our table could potentially split open because it has a leaf that goes in the center and the kids occasionally mess with the clamp, and he just shouldn’t be putting his nasty socks all over our table anyway.  So, I continue to go over and pull him down, time after time.

He promptly sits down when he sees me coming and smiles his cutest smile.  How could mommy possibly be mad at this face?!

He promptly sits down when he sees me coming and smiles his cutest smile. How could mommy possibly be mad at this face?!

He knows he’s not supposed to do it, but he just can’t help himself.  So he marches on the table until I start walking over to him and then he sits down or starts to climb back down onto the chair as if that will make it all ok.

his other option when mommy comes storming over - again, notice the huge cheesy grin that he uses when he is being naughty.

his other option when mommy comes storming over – again, notice the huge cheesy grin that he uses when he is being naughty.  Also notice the chair scrapes on the wall caused by his many attempts at a quick escape.

But this mama is not fooled by the cute exterior and so I attempt to grab him and once again explain why we don’t dance on tables.  This morning, however, he struggled with me as I tried to pull him off and then sprawled out on the table as though it was a comfy hammock.  He was clearly too exhausted to be disciplined.

he couldn't possibly be bothered with getting off of the table

he couldn’t possibly be bothered with getting off of the table

So I was forced to stop taking pictures and practically climb on the table myself to pull him down.  Seriously.  I am hoping he grows out of this stage quickly before we do have to get rid of the chairs and resort to having picnics on our floor (though I am sure he could find a way to make that dangerous too).

Am I the only parent who has a kid with this fascination?  I guess I should be glad he hasn’t tried to “Superman” off of it yet, but I am assuming it’s only because I have been able to stay on top of the behavior thus far.  Big, Big Trouble!!! (but also cute trouble – if that’s not an oxymoron).