Why I Want To Punch Children’s Toy Manufacturers

My daughter will be turning six this week so we had a birthday party for her this past weekend.  It was semi-Barbie themed/semi-rock star themed so as to include boys and girls.  It was at a skating rink.  It was awesome.  Check out the pictures below.

birthday princess, rocking the neon colors

birthday princess, rocking the neon colors

hokey pokey

hokey pokey

fun food

fun food

lots of presents

lots of presents that require too much effort

However, as fantastic as this party was, it resulted in an influx of new toys for the birthday girl, as birthday parties have a tendency to do.  She was ecstatic.  I was petrified. The majority of the toys were Barbies and similar-type dolls in boxes – exactly what she had wanted.  And, of course, they must be played with immediately upon returning home from aforementioned party.  This requires opening all of the boxes and attempting to get the toys out in record time.

the wicked stash of goodies clearly taunting me from our couch

the wicked stash of goodies clearly taunting me from our couch – look at all of those boxes

Now, for some reason, all toy manufacturers are sadists who get their kicks from the knowledge that all over the world there are poor, unsuspecting parents struggling to maintain their composure as they try to separate the toy from the box it came in.  I don’t understand the need for 37 different zip ties that are impossible to untwist or cut without seriously maiming yourself.  The kids are going to lose half of the pieces immediately anyway and they are all inside of a plastic box, so just shove it in there so we can dump it out easily once we get home!  Don’t tape it, sew it, wrap it, glue it, etc.!!  Do you know how frustrating it is to try to open boxes of toys for your happy kids, only to start hearing, “Hurry up, Mom” “How long does it take, Mom?!”  “Mom, I just want to play with my Barbies.  Why can’t you open a silly box; you’re an adult?”

Hearing these phrases makes a parent want to chuck the toy (and sometimes the birthday child) out of the window and wash their hands of the whole mess.  This is not the reaction we want to have immediately following a fun birthday party.  So, please, please, please toy manufacturers, STOP MAKING IT SO DIFFICULT TO PLAY WITH TOYS!!!  Or else I will be forced to stop buying your products and just make my children play outside with rocks and sticks because it just might safer and less of a hassle than trying to open your boxes!toy

Don’t even get me started on the toys that need 800 batteries or appear to be in one piece from the outside and then require ridiculous assembly with tools not even carried by Home Depot….Ok, whew, got that off of my chest so now my daughter can go play Barbies and  I can move on to assembling a cardboard Princess carriage she also received.  Good times.

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11 thoughts on “Why I Want To Punch Children’s Toy Manufacturers

  1. Haha! For real! I’m just realizing how much easier my life is because my sons love Legos! Kudos to the Lego company for only containing their product inside plastic bags in a big, relatively-easy-to-open box! Nary a zip-tie or wire to be seen!

  2. haha!!! Great post!! I so agree! You seriously need to take a college course on how to open kid’s toys! Those plastic sealed ones too are so bad that you need heavy duty scissors to cut through. I cut myself on the plastic once trying to pry it open….I should have sued!! I think it totally would have held up in a court of law if the panel was all parents!

    • I’m really surprised that there haven’t been more lawsuits related to opening toys. If you can sue McDonalds for having coffee that is hot, you should definitely get millions for being injured while opening toys “on the job”.

  3. So true! Kudos to our Grandma P. who opens all of the toys she buys as gifts for our kids and removes all of the ridiculous twist ties, staples, tape and strings before she wraps them. Makes for quicker fun for the little ones and zero agony for us!

  4. Pingback: New Olympic Events | Motherhood Is An Art

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