I love that you are now able to communicate more effectively with your dear old mom. However, not everyone is as good at deciphering your comments and actions as mommy is. Therefore, I respectfully request that you consider changing a few of your newest “habits”. Such as:
1. Screaming “STOP IT” and/or “HELP” at the top of your lungs every time I try to strap you into your car seat. As these are the words I will eventually teach you to yell if, God forbid, strangers or perverts try to take you or hurt you, I would appreciate it if you didn’t make everyone else on the planet think that I should be lumped into that group by screaming these things. I really am only thinking of your safety as I sit on top of you and strap you tightly into the seat (seriously, would it kill you to hold still for 2 seconds so we can go through this process peacefully for once?!). Just know that you are much larger than your brother and sister, so odds are, you will be able to move up to the less restrictive booster seat at a much earlier age.
2. Yelling, “I’m stuck” whenever I finally get you completely buckled in aforementioned car seat. I hate to break it to you, but that’s the point of the car seat. So sorry for the inconvenience.
3. Cheering for a ride in the cart at the store, then promptly screaming to get into another cart before I can even get away from the cart-storing space. Contrary to your current opinion, you are not the Target cart inspector so here’s the inside scoop: all of the carts are red, covered in germs and designed to make loud noises as we wobble through the store. Pick one and get over it. Yes, you can sit in the back as long as you SIT! Now, stay! Good boy.
4. Going into a corner to do your business and smiling because you know there is really nothing I can do about it. At least you are now admitting that you are in the process of soiling yourself. “Are you pooping?” “Yes,” you sweetly respond as you continue to be disgusting. Well, thanks for letting me know. Next time, how about heading to the $25 talking Cars toilet you had to have instead of sitting in the corner while I plead with you to be a big boy? I would appreciate that so much.
5. Purposely doing things you know you’re not supposed to do and then looking at me and explaining, “uh oh accident”. I blame your big brother for teaching you how to manipulate the word accident to work in your favor. You are clearly wise beyond your years, but that is still no excuse for your crazy.
6. Randomly sticking your finger up my nose and exclaiming, “this awesome”. It’s really not, especially when it feels like you might have poked what little is left of my brain. The same can be said for poking eyeballs, bellybuttons, gums, etc.
I promise there are more things we need to work on, but for now, I think we have our hands full. Thanks for learning to cooperate with mommy and the rest of the world. I really do love you, you stinky, screaming, wiggly little mess of a mini-man.