This morning I dropped the big kids off at school and took the little one with me to grab a few things at Target. It started off with us just getting a box of diapers and a gallon of milk and it quickly turned into a basket full of other grocery items that I had not picked up the day before. I purposely don’t walk up and down every aisle in their grocery section because I end up grabbing a bunch of stuff if I see it and am reminded of its existence. This usually serves me well and keeps the total lower.
This morning, however, I kept remembering things as I walked away from the aisle they were on. I think my toddler and I did the walk from the first aisle of groceries to the back aisle of the groceries a minimum of 8 times. I’ll chalk it up to getting the exercise that I rarely get voluntarily. The guys stocking the shelves started giving me weird looks, especially when my son kept tossing items from the cart to them and saying, “catch” as though they had nothing better to do than play with him and/or dodge the larger items flying toward their heads. I smiled a psychotic, frazzled, so-sorry-my-kid-is-attempting-to-maim-you “mom” smile and hoped they would be too intimidated to look in my direction again.
When we FINALLY made it up to the front, there was one line open. Anyone who has ever shopped with children dreads this moment. You know your kid(s) is a ticking time bomb just waiting to be psycho at that perfect moment and waiting in line keeps the adrenaline rush anticipation of the crazy going. I was personally just thanking God that I only had one of my three there with me at that moment. Viewing it that way always makes it seem easier.
The poor cashier started ringing up our stuff while also trying to dodge the goodies my son was attempting to toss to her (and by toss, I mean hurl, but in a friendly way). We had about 4 things left and my dear boy was starting to get the urge to climb out of the cart when the cashier looked at me and said, “the register’s frozen.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME? After she called 3 useless people over to assess the situation (yes, it was indeed frozen….yes, she did try to push all of the necessary buttons to unfreeze it….yes, we should probably move her to another register….haha, isn’t it funny that we still only have one line open and now there are 14 people waiting?, etc.) she looked at me with slight disgust and told me that we would have to move to another register and ring up all of the items again. LOVELY. (note to self: next time, just let husband pick up the gallon of milk on his lunch break)
We made our way over to the next register as the sea of people in line behind me made a mad dash to customer service to avoid the crazy lady with her item throwing son and her load of groceries that won’t ring up properly. There was one young lady who actually stayed behind me rather than run away with the masses and as a reward for her bravery, I let her go in front of me. (Yes, I still remember what it was like before I had kids when I too got stuck behind the mom on a verge of a nervous breakdown and I didn’t like that position. I am still cool enough to let the childless move on quickly without holding ill will toward them – unless they give me looks indicating they are judging me or my kids and then all bets are off).
Anyhow, we made it back up to the cashier for the second time where my son began to pull everything out of the bags and “toss” them back onto the conveyor belt (see previous definition of toss). At this point, a salesgirl came over and gave me 2 coupons, each for $3 off, to compensate me for my troubles. Ok, Target, you are forgiven, especially since my kid decided to show his frustration at the length of time spent checking out by screaming the most blood curdling scream you can possibly imagine. I’m fairly certain it is still echoing down the aisles there perhaps throughout the parking lot as well. I overheard one loud (perhaps temporarily deaf) stockboy exclaiming, “OH MY GOD, that felt like he was stabbing me in my ear drum!” Well said, my man.
I handed over the coupons and paid, accepting an overdue apology from the cashier (I think the scream from my adorable
creature son said all the things that I couldn’t in that moment). Then we hauled butt out of there and proceeded to sit at the light in front of Target for 10 minutes until it finally turned green to let us continue on our path home. For the record, we live almost in walking distance of this particular Target and probably could have walked home faster – not great after previously mentioned Target experience.
Needless to say, when we finally arrived home at 9:15 a.m., I was pretty worn out. Would it be too much to ask for a nap right now? Yeah, probably would be. Oh, well. Still had to be better than going to Walmart.