You know that moment when you stare at your newborn and you think, “I can’t wait until he can do things”? Well, the time has come where my son can do things and I sometimes find myself missing the days when he just sat there like a blob. Now that he is mobile, he is quite adorable, but also equally impossible.
He simply will not lie flat on his back anymore, thus making every diaper change something that should be recorded for America’s Funniest Home Videos. And, God help me, if he decides to bless me with something more than just a wet diaper. Yesterday, I spent nearly 10 minutes (no exaggeration) trying to clean up one of those “gifts”.
I laid my sweet, stinky boy down on the changing table where he immediately proceeded to try to flip over like a circus poodle. I nearly had to sit on him to even proceed with opening the diaper. Once his bum felt the air, he decided he would hold still just long enough to reach down and grab a handful of the mess and wipe it on me and his shirt. Then he went back to his “dog tricks”. I literally had to hold him upside down by his ankles (poo butt and all) to get the majority of it off.
How did I accomplish this? I can’t really say other than mommy adrenaline. Looking back it seems quite impossible with only 2 hands but somehow I managed to clean him up and get another diaper on him before he peed on me (another favorite game of his). I also had to throw some powder on him while he was on my shoulder so he wouldn’t try to eat the bottle or give me a powder shower. Good times.
Once the diaper was back on, I looked around at the powder on me and the changing table and floor, as well as the poo still on his shirt and mine. After approx. half a box of wipes and another wrestling session to get his shirt off, he was au natural with just a diaper but he was back to smelling like a clean baby. Meanwhile, I had to dash to clean myself off before he got into more mischief.
Good thing I am fantastic under pressure (and when forced to deal with large amounts of infant feces). I AM THE BABY WRANGLER.